Inner Blair

"Like every great general, I have contingency plans." - Blair Waldorf, GG Season 3

   (THE smirk with a plan.)

I don't wana be mean anymore, but it's stuck in my system. 

There are things I just used to joke around, a harmless joke which just came in one of those spur of the moment conversations.
A joke I halfheartedly meant because, it used to be a fact and surprisingly still a FACT, but excuse you ,I didn't know it's still true not until today. Honest. My motivation of getting that "WANT" had been too low, too low since I knew I'm somehow holding it already right at the palm of my hands, I just had to take a good grip to make it officially mine. Call me a tease but it's been going around for a while yet I still didn't officially mark "it" MINE. I just don't want to. I just want the excitement of  a pseudo-threat of losing it to linger rather than having a calm assurance that it's mine-that's boring. I know, prolly, I don't want it that bad because I'm still risking myself of letting it go (I won't take the risk if it's a fab find or some unique piece y'know). Yes, perhaps I just didn't want it that much that I don't care if I might lose it. But what if not? What if I'm just too sure and a smug about the fact that I know I won't lose it...ever because it doesn't want to be in the hands of anyone else but me? How'd I know? Let's just say, there's a ring on my hand which keeps slipping and falling off somewhere. I don't mind because I don't need it. But when I do, I go wacko looking for it again and it allowed itself to be found and be tangled on my fingers once more. Then suddenly after that event where I need it is over, I go all careless and lose it again then find it for another time when I'll look for it. You sort of get the picture? Or still kinda blurry?

But anyways, so back to the FACT. The fact which I knew could supposedly somehow be a threat to fully owning that "WANT". I should sweat about it right? and make it mine abruptly. But knowing that fact didn't even make my lips twitch even a little, make me cringe or bring a bit of shiver in me. Oh no that "fact" didn't scare me,you bet! It just made me more of a tease and motivated to continually play that "WANT" around my palms longer than how I wanted to. That "fact" was messing around me while I wasn't looking and what's more appropriate than a sweet overdue payback? Why and why not? I never, in my entire life, pretended that I was such an angel. Blame me for liking Blair Waldorf. She gives me this certain thrill and positive effect of how she acts. I love her not because she's pretty much evil but she's pretty clever of getting paybacks. Maybe I'm not evil and more clever than you gave me credit for. I am ah-bviously not a fan of claws or profanities or scandalous expose of hatred. Oh puhlease, leave it to those lowlifes. And what I have in mind is such a calm, classy, slow yet would surely dig a deep massive wound to the recipient that it scares me of how I was able to plot those stuffs on my own. Too much chic flicks, chic lits and GG perhaps.lol. That "fact" hella gave me a fierce spank of add on motivation that I'd love to see that "WANT" to dance longer at the palm of my hand til that existing "fact" would not outright vanish but would gradually diminish very slowly taking a painful whip at each deteriorating existence.Breaking it slowly hurts more and the pain lingers long after the memory fades... 


P.S Chill people! I'm just playing it more dramatically.:-)

Posted in: harsh, hatred, one liners, yours truly